How to support a child with anxiety

Even at a young age, it’s normal for children to feel anxious about the unknown or some sort of change. Anxiety is a fear response that can even be helpful, as it allows children to act cautiously in certain situations. However, toddlers can overreact to something new or unknown. For this reason, it’s important to find ways to reassure them.

These fact sheets may also be of interest to you:

• L’anxiété chez l’enfant (if your child is 5 or older)
• Separation anxiety

What is anxiety?

Fear is a normal reaction in the face of real danger, like a fire. When a person is afraid, their body mobilizes to deal with a threat.

Anxiety is a fear response, albeit an exaggerated one. In other words, anxiety is a reaction a perceived danger (e.g., thinking there is a risk of fire). Even if the threat is not real, the body reacts as if it were.

Young children sometimes feel scared. This is perfectly normal. For example, it’s normal for young children to be afraid of things like loud noises, monsters, falling into the toilet, and Santa Claus. These fears resolve on their own as they get older. For more information, read our fact sheet on fear in children.

However, with anxiety, the fear of a situation is often imagined or exaggerated. It can become a problem if it interferes with a child’s daily functioning or takes up too much space in their life. For this reason, it’s important to find ways to reassure them.

The main causes of anxiety in children

There are several reasons why a child may be anxious. Here are a few examples.

• Genetics. Having an anxious parent increases the chances that a child will be anxious. Some little ones inherit an anxious temperament. Their anxiety may therefore be higher than average, and it may be more difficult for them to calm down. An anxious parent can also transmit their anxiety to their child through their attitudes (e.g., by being more worried and nervous in certain situations).
• Being away from their parents. A baby may become anxious when they’re separated from their parents or when someone they don’t know approaches them. Separation anxiety begins at around 8 months and can last until the child is 18 months.

• Irrational fears. These could be, for example, a fear of monsters or wolves.
• Fear of losing their parent. This fear may arise, for example, when parent and toddler are together in a public place.
• New situations or a major change. For example, the birth of a little brother or sister, or a change of group at daycare. A move, conflicts at home, a separation, or a death can also cause temporary anxiety.
• Lifestyle factors and a lack of rules. Poor nutrition and lack of sleep can put a child at greater risk for anxiety. The absence of clear and concrete rules can also be a source of anxiety. Children need rules to feel safe.
• An event that has occurred in the child’s environment. A toddler who has had a bad experience may fear it will happen again whenever they’re in a similar situation. For example, a child who has slipped in the bath may become afraid of water. A toddler who has been bitten by a dog, on the other hand, may become afraid of dogs.
• Overprotection. Overprotecting a child can diminish their self-confidence. It can also make them anxious about the future and things they can’t control.
• A parent’s anxious attitude. An anxious parent can transmit their anxiety to a child through their attitude. The child may then be more anxious and nervous about certain situations, such as unexpected events or meeting new people.
• Excessive demands or expectations placed on the child. These can cause the child to feel inadequate. Being afraid of disappointing others, making mistakes, or being wrong may cause their anxiety to increase.
• Neglect and abuse. Failing to meet a child’s basic needs and exposing them to aggression can make a child anxious.

Signs of anxiety

The following signs of anxiety are common in young children:

• Overreacting (e.g., crying, refusing to listen, or throwing a tantrum) to certain events or changes in routine. They try to avoid certain situations, such as visiting someone, going to daycare, participating in activities, or being babysat.
• A sudden change in behaviour. This may be the case, for example, of a child who becomes agitated, irritable, sad, or worried.
• Physical discomfort. Headaches, stomachaches, nausea, or rapid breathing can all be signs of anxiety.
• Sleep problems. They have a hard time falling or staying asleep. They may refuse to go to bed or sleep alone. They may also have frequent nightmares.
• A constant need for reassurance. An anxious child seeks to be near their parents constantly.
• Isolation. Some anxious toddlers may withdraw into themself or try to avoid new situations. Some may avoid playing with other children.
• Aggression. Some children may express their anxiety by shouting, hitting, or biting others.

Helping an anxious child

Here’s how you can help your toddler deal with bouts of anxiety and cope with temporary fears.

• Play peek-a-boo with your baby. This game will make your little one realize that you’re always there, even when they can’t see you. It can be especially helpful for a child who is experiencing separation anxiety.
• Give your child a comfort object to hold onto during times of transition or separation. This can be a stuffed toy, a blankie, or any other object that reassures them. Later, as your child gets older and gains confidence, you can encourage them to leave it at home. Tell them they can carry it around with them in their heart. Gradually, they’ll learn to soothe themself without your help.
• Establish routines for key times of the day. For example, establishing a morning routine and a bedtime routine will give your child a sense of security.
• Make sure your child is eating and sleeping well by maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Sleeping and eating well helps your child’s brain to better manage emotions. If they’re having nightmares, try to figure out why.
• Remain calm around your child. Use a soft, comforting voice when you talk to them. This will help them calm down.
• Help your child name their emotions. For example, you can say: “You’re scared. I can feel your heart beating very fast.” This allows them to make sense of what they’re feeling and to feel understood, which makes it easier for them to deal with their emotions.
• Listen to your child. Pay close attention to how they react. Ask them questions to figure out what’s causing their anxiety. Answer their questions in simple, age-appropriate terms.
• Be a good role model. Your child learns how to react by imitating you. When you’re scared, remember to breathe slowly in front of them. Tell them that, even though you’re scared, you’ll give it a try by imagining yourself as a superhero.
• Don’t minimize your child’s fear, even if it seems exaggerated. Their fear is very real to them; let them know that you take them seriously and don’t downplay their concerns.
• Give your child as much time as they need to get over their fear of something. However, you shouldn’t let them avoid all scary situations. It’s a good idea to gradually expose them to what they’re afraid of. This way, they’ll see that there’s no danger and they’ll overcome their fear more easily.

• If a change is coming, talk to your child about what to expect. For example, if you’re moving, take them on a tour of the new neighbourhood. Show them photos of the new house. If they’re anxious about starting kindergarten, take them to activities that the school organizes for future students. You can also go play in the school playground with them a few months before school starts.
• Encourage your child to use their imagination to help them face their fears. Have them use their superhero cape or invisible sword to build courage and boost their confidence. Little by little, they’ll tame their fears and learn to reassure themself.
• Play pretend with your toddler to prepare them for new situations that may cause anxiety. Read them stories, such as a book about starting kindergarten, moving to a new home, or going to the dentist for the first time.
• Show your child how to take deep breaths to calm down. Ask them to put their hands on their stomach and imagine a balloon that inflates when they breathe in and deflates when they breathe out. You can also make up games with your breathing. For example, pretend you’re breathing in a flower as you inhale and blowing out its petals as you exhale.
• Make sure your child has a chance to move every day. Running, jumping, and dancing are great ways to release tension. They also stimulate the production of hormones responsible for well-being and relaxation. This can help lower anxiety.
• Set up a “comfort” corner or basket. Put comforting items together in a corner of your child’s room or in a basket. For example, a stuffed toy, a lava lamp, objects to stretch or squeeze, or soft music.
• Remind your child of their successes. Mention the fears they used to have but don’t have anymore. This way, they’ll gradually learn that they’re able to overcome their fears.
• Offer them trial periods for new activities. This will encourage them to try something new.
• Give your child small responsibilities. This helps build self-confidence. For example, ask them to pick up their toys or to help set the table.
• Praise them when they make an effort to overcome their anxiety.

How can you avoid passing on your anxiety to your child?

Your child can easily sense your emotions and fears. Because kids learn by imitation, your child might feel worried if they sense that you’re worried yourself. The best way to counter this is to try to stay as calm as possible when a situation makes you anxious but doesn’t present any real danger. 

For example, avoid using catastrophic expressions like “this is terrible” or “this will never work.” These words are likely to make your child anxious about the situation as well. If your anxiety is affecting your child, reach out for support from a loved one or a professional (e.g., a psychologist or social worker).

When should you consult a professional?

Professional support from a doctor, pediatrician, psychologist, or social worker can make a real difference to some anxious children. Consult a professional if your child’s anxiety is having a major impact on their daily life, or if it’s causing them significant distress that’s hard to alleviate.

If a child’s anxiety is left untreated, the problem can get worse over time.

Here are some signs that your child might benefit from outside help:

• You’ve noticed a sudden change in the way they respond to events.
• Anxiety interferes with their daily functioning. They aren’t sleeping as well, refuse to eat, isolate themself, or lose interest in the games they usually like to play.
• When their anxiety after a major change doesn’t get better, even after a month.
• Their anxiety causes them to have extreme fears or phobias.
• You avoid certain situations because of their anxiety.

Things to keep in mind

• A certain level of anxiety is normal in children.
• Adopting a calm and reassuring attitude will go a long way in helping your toddler overcome their anxiety.
• Seek help from a professional if your child’s anxiety becomes significant and prevents them from functioning normally.

Scientific review: Dr. Sophie Leroux, psychologist Research and copywriting:The Naître et grandir team Updated: April 2025

Photos : iStock.com/Birkholz et GettyImages/photoguns