How to respond when your child is crying

Your child doesn’t just cry when they’re upset. Even when children are old enough to talk, they may cry to let you know that something is wrong and that they need you to take care of them. It’s important to try to understand what they’re trying to tell you so you can meet their need and help them communicate in another way. Here are some of the things your child’s tears may be telling you.

“I’m scared!”

Your little one may be crying because they’re afraid of something, such as the dark, monsters, storms, or even Santa Claus. At this age, it’s still difficult for them to tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imaginary. This means that when they cry because they’re afraid of monsters under their bed, their fear is very real.

What’s more, some children fear novelty and find surprises stressful. They may start to whine when it’s time to try a new activity or go somewhere new. A change in routine, such as a new daycare educator, can also induce anxiety and tears.

How should you react?

• Be understanding when your child gets scared. Comfort them by talking with them about their fears. If they’re afraid of the dark, for instance, you can say, “What worries you the most when the lights are off at night?” or “Show me with your hands how big your fear is.” Listen to them talk about their fears without judging or trying to reason with them. It will make them feel better.
• When your child is afraid of something, involve them in the process of finding a solution. You could say something like, “What would make you feel better and make your fear a little smaller?” This will show your child that you’re confident in their ability to deal with their fear.
• Reassure your child if they’re scared of costumed characters (clowns, Santa Claus, cartoon characters, etc.). Try asking them what they don’t like about the character and what they find scary. Simply helping your child verbalize their emotions and taking the time to listen without judgment may be enough to calm them down. It can also be helpful to read books with your child about the characters they find scary. With you by their side, your little one will feel safe and be more likely to gradually overcome their fear.
• Let your child know what to expect before a new activity or outing. This may reassure them and ease their anxiety. Describe where you’re going, what will happen, and who will be there. Help them express their feelings in words when they feel anxious about change. For example, if their regular daycare educator is away, you might say: “You seem upset that Marie is on vacation this week.” Show your child that you trust their new educator by saying: “You’ll see, she’ll take good care of you and you’ll have lots of fun.”

To find solutions to common childhood fears, check out our fact sheets Fear in Children and Bedtime Fears (in French).

I want to do it all by myself!”

From age 2 to 3, you can expect big emotions, frustrations, and a budding desire for autonomy from your child. This is a normal stage in their development: They’re asserting their identity and want to be more independent.

But while your little one may want to do things on their own, they won’t always know how. This can lead to frustration, which in turn can lead to tears. Tearful outbursts caused by a need for autonomy often occur at mealtime, at bath time, and when getting dressed.

How should you react?

• Stay calm and try to name your child’s emotions. Encourage them to use words to express how they feel. For example, you can say: “I see you’re upset. Do you want to talk about it?” If they have a hard time finding the right words, help them by describing what you observe. For example: “That makes sense! It’s frustrating when you can’t do something by yourself.” The more you get your child used to talking about their emotions, the less often they’ll resort to crying.
• Give your child opportunities to be more independent. Let them do some things on their own, even if they make mistakes. They’ll learn and improve with practice. Give them small tasks and let them make decisions by giving them options. For example: “Do you want to wear your blue socks or your red socks?”
• Don’t try to reason with your child if they’re upset to the point of throwing a tantrum. When your child throws a tantrum, they’ve lost control and are in no state to listen to you. Remain calm and stay close to reassure them. When your child has calmed down, get closer to them, be affectionate, and talk about what happened. For example: “Whew, the anger took up all the space in your heart and head. You really wanted to get dressed on your own. I understand.”

“I’m tired.”

From age 1 to 3, your child experiences so many new things that they’ll often get tuckered out. On top of that, they may have had several frustrating experiences throughout their day.

That’s why your child may become irritable, whiny, and defiant by the end of the day. The slightest annoyance may become too much. They’ve reached their limit and may start crying at any moment. This is a sign that they’re tired and need to be comforted.

How should you react?

• Lower your expectations. When your child is tired, they may need you to repeat yourself and help them with their routine. Taking some quality time with them before getting started can help. This allows them to recharge their emotional batteries and feel connected with you.

• Show empathy by letting them know that you understand what they’re going through. Describe what you see: “It seems like something’s bothering you.” During these moments, your child needs you to be close and to know you’re there for them. Take a moment to show them some affection. For example, pick them up, rock them, or sing them a song. Even if it’s only for a few minutes, it may help your child calm down.
• If your child is tired at the end of the day, suggest quiet activities (drawing, reading, etc.), read them a story, draw them a bath...

If your child gets tired often, it may help if you tweak their schedule (e.g., move up their bedtime or plan for more free time).

“I want that!”

Your child’s reflex is to cry and point at what they want instead of asking for it. To encourage them to ask for what they want with words, help them expand their vocabulary.

How should you react?

• Verbalize what they’re trying to express, and repeat it. For example, if they point at the milk, say: “Milk! Mom, I want some milk, please.” Then give them a glass of milk. This tells them that you understand and value what they’re saying, and encourages them to communicate.
• Praise your child when they ask for something. It’ll encourage them to keep using words to express themself. For example, you could say: “I love how you asked for what you wanted. It’s a lot easier for me to understand what you want when you ask nicely.”

“Take care of me!”

Your child may cry to get your attention. They may even go so far as to invent imaginary problems.

How should you react?

• Describe what’s going on, but avoid accusing your child of lying. For example, you can say: “I think what you really want is a hug. Come on, let’s cuddle!” This helps your child understand their needs. Knowing that they can get a hug whenever they want is reassuring for them.
• Give your child attention before they ask for it. Spend some quality time with them every day, even if it’s just a few minutes.You could play a game, chat with them, tickle them, draw something together, or read them a story. When you anticipate your child’s need for attention, they won’t feel they have to cry to get it.

Managing your own emotions as a parent

It can be hard to let your child cry. You may feel anger, helplessness, guilt, stress, etc. Many parents instinctively want to stop their child’s crying instead of letting the tears flow. Remember that when children cry, they are simply expressing their emotions.

Even if your child’s crying gets on your nerves, don’t punish them, as they may think you don’t care about how they feel. Instead, acknowledge their emotions while encouraging them to say what they’re feeling. Remember that your child’s brain is still developing, and that they need time and your help to learn how to deal with their emotions.

If it becomes increasingly difficult for you to support your toddler when they’re crying, don’t be afraid to ask for support from those around you or from an outside resource (e.g., a CLSC). Talking about it allows you to take a step back and understand what’s going on for you and your child.

Things to keep in mind

• When children cry, it’s usually because they’re trying to tell you something is wrong. They may want something or they may be scared, tired, or in pain.
• Staying close to your child, listening to them, and helping them put how they feel into words will comfort and reassure them.
• By encouraging your child to say what they’re feeling, you’ll gradually teach them to express themself in other ways besides crying.

Scientific review: Marie-Hélène Chalifour, psychoeducator Research and copywriting: The Naître et grandir team Updated: April 2025

Photos : GettyImages/LSOphoto, Tassii et Georgijevic