Helicopter parenting

Helicopter parenting means stepping in to help your child so that they don’t experience difficulties. Even when done with the best intentions, this type of behaviour can hold your child back.

What is a helicopter parent?

Helicopter parents tend to overprotect their children. Much like a helicopter, these parents “hover” over their children, always ready to step in to keep them from experiencing difficulty, pain, or frustration. Here are few typical behaviours associated with helicopter parenting.

• Not letting their child take risks or make mistakes. For example, a helicopter parent might stop their child from climbing a play module because they might fall or refuse to let them try activities that are a bit risky.
• Doing everything in their power to shield their child from disappointment or frustration. Helicopter parents tend to anticipate or solve problems for their children before they become an issue. For example, if their child isn’t invited to a friend’s birthday party, they might plan a special outing or buy their child a gift to make them feel better, rather than helping them manage their emotions. They also have trouble saying no, because they don’t want to disappoint their child.
• Overscheduling their child’s days and filling them with educational or structured activities. A helicopter parent leaves little time for free play and spontaneity. They also tend to constantly entertain their child.
• Worrying excessively when their child isn’t with them. They text or call often to check in on their child when they’re at a friend’s house, for example.
• Speaking and acting on behalf of their child to help them avoid embarrassment or difficult situations. For example, they might carry their child up the stairs or carry their backpack for them, even though the child is able to do these things on their own. When someone asks their child a question, they tend to answer for them.
• Not letting their child make decisions. For example, they might pick their child’s activities, friends, or clothes without consulting their child or considering their preferences.
• Getting in the middle of their child’s conflicts. They rush to defend their child whenever they have a disagreement with another child or a teacher. They don’t give their child space to navigate their own relationships and tend to “fix” their problems for them.
• Becoming overly involved in their child’s school life. For example, they might correct their child’s assignments or even do some (or all) of their homework for them instead of letting their child learn from their mistakes.

Why do parents overprotect their children?

There are many reasons why a parent may want to shield their child from challenging situations, uncomfortable emotions, disappointment, stress, minor injury, and more.

Some parents are overprotective because they are anxious themself and naturally prone to worry. These parents overprotect their child as a way to soothe their own anxiety. Some parents have a hard time realizing what their kid is capable of. Although their child is growing up, they still see them as a vulnerable baby who needs protecting.

Other parents are overprotective because of their own experiences or the way they were raised. For example, a parent who experienced a serious traumatic event during childhood (e.g., an accident) may be overprotective of their child. And others still may be overprotective because their baby had serious health concerns when they were born, so they constantly worry that something bad might happen to the child. In some cases, a parent who was neglected or unloved as a child may compensate by becoming overprotective in turn.

Perfectionism is another contributing factor. Parents want to do right by their child, and that drive to be the best parent makes them take things too far. Similarly, parents with perfectionist tendencies may want to keep their child from making mistakes.

Another significant factor is the bad news constantly being reported by the media, such as kidnappings and natural disasters. This can make some parents feel like there’s danger around every corner and make them overprotective of their little ones.

The impact of helicopter parenting on children

Even when done with the best intentions, helicopter parenting has a negative impact on children, hampering their autonomy, confidence, and development.

A child needs to have a variety of life experiences and a chance to explore the world on their own if they are to become independent, self-confident, and able to manage their emotions. They need to experience their share of failures and challenges as well as successes.

Without meaning to, helicopter parents are showing their children that the world isn’t safe for them. They come to believe that they can’t rise to meet challenges or do things on their own. They might:

• Lack autonomy
• Have trouble solving problems
• Feel anxious about the future
• Experience anxiety or develop an anxiety disorder
• Struggle to manage their emotions
• Lack self-confidence and have low self-esteem
• Have difficulties in theirinterpersonal relationships
• Lack initiative

How to protect without overprotecting

If you think you may be a helicopter parent, consider these strategies to protect your child without overprotecting them:

• Guide your child instead of doing things for them. Teach them how to get dressed, use cutlery, and comb their hair. Start by doing the task together and gradually let them do it on their own.
• Encourage your child’s autonomy by giving them small jobs around the house, like putting away their toys, setting the table, or feeding the cat. School-aged children can pack their school bag, pick out their clothes, and make their bed.
• Help your child learn to solve problems. Instead of stepping in every time you see them struggling, help them overcome problems and fix their mistakes. If they spill a glass of milk, have them help you clean up the mess. If they’re feeling sad or angry, help them put their emotions into words. And if they’re having trouble with a homework assignment, ask questions instead of just giving them the answers. For example, you could ask: “How did the teacher explain this to you? Are there any examples of this in your textbook? Can you read the question again, but this time, while following along with your finger?”

• Teach them how to resolve conflict with others. If your child is arguing with another child, encourage them to name their feelings, listen to the other person’s point of view, and find a solution to the conflict without intervening directly. If your child can’t come up with a solution on their own, make a few suggestions.
• Differentiate between your child’s wants and needs. It’s important that you meet your child’s basic needs (e.g., love, security, well-being), but you shouldn’t always respond to their immediate wants (e.g., eating candy, playing on the tablet) just because you don’t want to say no to them. They need to experience frustration and disappointment in order to learn to tolerate and manage these emotions.
• Let them take small risks. Give them age-appropriate challenges or ask them what they’d like to try, such as going down the big slide at the park or learning to ride a bike without training wheels. Then provide guidance without stepping in to do it for them.
• Build your child’s confidence by providing encouragement. Use words to let them know that you believe in them. Tell them: “I know you can do it,” “I know you can figure it out,” or “I’m here if you need help, but I’ll let you try first.” Praise their efforts rather than the results to teach them that the effort is what really matters.
• Learn how to adapt the assistance you provide to your child’s age, personality, and needs. You can read about the different stages of child development in specialized magazines, websites, or books. These resources can tell you around what age your child will be able to sleep in a big bed, go up and down the stairs on their own, do their hair, make their bed, walk over to a nearby friend’s house, etc., and help you provide age-appropriate support.
• Build strong relationships with your child’s school team. Trust their teachers and avoid calling them every time your child complains. Encourage your child to talk directly to their teacher if a problem arises at school.
• Be confident. Remember that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Trust in your parenting skills and in your child’s abilities.
• Work through your own fears to understand why you tend to overprotect your child. For example, ask yourself: “Am I stepping in to help my child or to calm my own fears?” Gaining perspective on the situation can help you take a less protective stance in the future.
• Share your concerns. Talk to your family and friends (e.g., your partner, friends, a grandparent) about your fears or how you feel when you see your child struggling. This can help make the situation feel less overwhelming. If you find that your worries or anxiety are getting the better of you, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional.

To find out more, read our fact sheets:

• Protect without overprotecting
• Tolérance au risque: comment s’entendre entre parents? (available in French only)

Things to keep in mind

• Helicopter parents tend to overprotect their children.
• When you overprotect your child, they come to believe that they can’t do things without you. This has a negative impact on their autonomy, self-confidence, and development.
• A smarter approach is to provide guidance and support your child in overcoming difficulties to help them grow.

Scientific review: Nathalie Parent, psychologist, author, and speaker Research and copywriting:The Naître et grandir team Updated: March 2025

Photo: GettyImages/Studio CJ