For a young child, learning to wait her turn and respecting the turn of others isn’t always easy. It is, however, an essential social skill to develop since it allows her to enjoy harmonious relationships with others, particularly in daycare and at school. Moreover, the child who is able to wait her turn and respect the turn of others generally has an easier time following rules.
To encourage turn-taking, start as soon as your child begins to show interest in others and what they’re doing. Have her notice when you, too, need to wait your turn (e.g.: at the cash register, in a waiting room).
Learning to wait your turn while playing
Games that involve rules with multiple players (e.g.: board games) are great to develop the skill of taking turns while having fun. Here are a few tips to help the activity go smoothly:
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Choose games that are related to your child’s interests. If she likes to move, suggest a ball game rather than a memory game—at least to start.
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Limit your first games to 2 players so that her turn comes up quicker. This will avoid her becoming frustrated with waiting or losing interest in the game.
To learn to wait her turn, your child needs your support.
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Set clear limits and remain consistent in applying the rules stated at the outset.
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Indicate whose turn it is with a sound, action or object (e.g.: a timer, a toy that is passed on to the next person, an hourglass that is turned over).
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Put words to what your little one is going through to encourage her to wait: “I know you find it long, but don’t worry, it’s almost your turn.” When you acknowledge her effort, your child feels understood and becomes more willing to wait her turn.
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Limit the game to 5 or 10 minutes, unless your child wants to continue playing.
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Congratulate your child on her patience.
Waiting your turn: a step-by-step learning process Before being able to wait her turn and respect the turn of others, your child must show self-control, an ability she will acquire progressively over the first years of life and that includes the following steps: -
tolerance for delay (after 1 year old)
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tolerance for frustration (towards 2 ½ years to 3 years old)
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the ability to calm herself and stop herself from doing something (towards 4 years old)
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the ability to understand the reasons for rules (towards 4 years old).
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Games to help your child understand turn-taking
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Love attack!: Kiss your child’s stuffed animal, then give it to her to do the same. Do this back and forth a few times (from 1 year old).
When your child grasps the idea behind turn-taking, it will be easier for her to play board games or to wait in various everyday situations.
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Toss the ball: Sitting on the floor with your legs spread out, have fun rolling a ball back and forth to each other with your hands (from 1 year old).
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Reading relay: Take turns flipping the pages of a book (towards one year old) or describing the pictures (from 3 years old). “Daddy first; now, you!”
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Pile of hands: Place your hand on the table, saying: “My hand!” Ask your child to place her hand on top of yours saying: “Your hand!” and keep going. Remove your hand from the bottom of the pile and place it on top when both hands are in the pile (from 2 years old).
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Relay drawing: Draw a picture with each of you taking turns. Once the drawing is complete, applaud your masterpiece (from 3 years old)!
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Hat-leader: Players imitate the actions of the person wearing the hat. After three actions, pass the hat on to the next player and follow what they do (from 3 years old).
| Scientific review : Andréanne Bérubé, psychoeducator
Traduction and adaptation : Naître et grandir
Last reviewed : June, 2014
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