By Julie Leduc

Learning to become autonomous means learning to act independently and make decisions. “Autonomy improves our sense of self-efficacy,” says psychologist Dr. Nadia Gagnier. “When we believe in our abilities, we feel equipped to face life’s challenges. Being independent fosters positive emotions and reduces anxiety. It’s essential for psychological well-being.”

Becoming autonomous goes beyond learning to do things on one’s own—it impacts every area of your child’s development. For example, being autonomous also means being able to name your preferences, understand things for yourself, and regulate your emotions.

Encouraging your child’s autonomy also means giving them the confidence to explore their environment. It’s important because that’s how they learn. “Helping your child become more independent also develops their perseverance,” says occupational therapist Noémie Lafortune.

Here are the major developmental milestones that mark your little one’s path to autonomy.

Birth to 1 year

At this age, babies are entirely dependent on their parents. Lassad Laabidi, father of 4-month-old Zahra and 2½-year-old Ahmed sees this clearly with his little girl. “She relies on us entirely for her care,” he says. But consistently meeting your baby’s needs is the first step towards autonomy. “When someone always responds to a baby’s cries, that baby learns that they are important.” This realization marks the beginning of self-esteem and a sense of self-efficacy, which are the building blocks of autonomy,” explains psychologist Nadia Gagnier. The baby realizes that when they make noise or cry, they get a result, because someone comes to take care of them and they get the help they need.

During this period, a baby’s motor autonomy is developing. They can reach for an object, pick it up, and bring it up to their mouth. Next, they will be able to eat with their fingers, roll over, creep, and crawl. “During this time, babies also start to indicate their preferences,” Gagnier says. “For example, a baby will turn their head away to refuse a food or stretch their arms out towards an object that interests them.”

Ages 1 to 3

A child’s autonomy starts to increase around the age of 1, as they begin to walk. At around age 2, they become increasingly assertive and want to do a lot of things on their own, even if they don’t always succeed. They may refuse your help and say something like, “No, I can do it,” when it’s time to put on their coat. “At this age, they are able to drink from a glass and use a spoon to eat on their own, but they will be messy,” explains occupational therapist Noémie Lafortune. “They can also take off several items of clothing without help.” Their language is developing and they use more and more words to tell you what they want. They can also make simple decisions like which book they want to look at.

This is also when the first signs of potty training readiness appear (e.g., they tell you when their diaper is dirty, they go sit on the potty without prompting). Potty training generally happens between the ages of 2 and 4, depending on the child.

Ages 3 to 5

“At this stage, children are highly motivated to help, and you will see a big leap forward in terms of what they are capable of doing,” says psychoeducator Solène Bourque. “You will notice it in their actions, such as taking the initiative to get dressed on their own, but also in the language they use to express their needs.” They become better at eating with utensils and are becoming more independent in their hygiene routines. For example, around age 4, children can wipe their bottoms after pooping and wash themselves in the bath, with supervision.

They are also able to make more complex decisions, like telling you what they’d like to do after dinner. Jessica Berger, mother of 3-year-old Daphnée, is impressed by her daughter’s new ability to assert herself. “She orders her own food at the restaurant,” Jessica says.

Every day, through your actions and words, you can help your child become more independent. Here’s how.

1. Encourage them to do things by themself.

“Let them try, make mistakes, and practise when you have the time,” advises psychoeducator Solène Bourque. For instance, on the weekend, you could put your child’s shoes in the living room so they can practise putting them on. “Children learn through repetition,” says occupational therapist Noémie Lafortune. “It takes several attempts to master a task.”

2. Teach by example.

“You might say something like, ‘Watch how I connect the zipper and slide it up,’” Bourque says. This way, your child can clearly see what you’re doing before practising. This is what Lassad does with his 2½-year-old son Ahmed. “I showed him where to put his toys when he’s done playing,” says the father. “He has a box for his blocks. He also knows that he has to put his remote-controlled car away. It’s become habit for him. He also spends a lot of time watching us when we do chores around the house.”

Podcast: Are children less independent than they used to be? Answers and advice from 3 experts (in French)

3. Pay close attention to your child’s development.

Make sure to give your child “right-size” challenges so they don’t get discouraged. But remember, “Children change quickly,” stresses psychologist Nadia Gagnier. “Parents should regularly think about whether they should relax certain rules or let their child do more things on their own.”

4. Give your child opportunities to have fun while learning

It will be more enjoyable and motivating for them. Play music or sing as you put toys away. And don’t hesitate to use humour! For example, you can motivate your child to get dressed on their own by telling them that if they’re all dressed in five minutes, you’ll be knocked off your feet (and then actually fall over in “surprise”!).

5. Let your little one make choices so they can practise making decisions.

“This helps them discover and assert their preferences,” says Nadia Gagnier. Start with simple choices like: “Do you want to put your toys away now or after dinner?”
At age 3, Daphnée picks out her clothes for daycare. “I don’t mind if she puts on a green sweater with purple pants,” says her mother, Jessica. “And at mealtimes, the plates are on the table and I let her serve herself.”

6. Give them small tasks adapted to their abilities to develop their sense of responsibility and confidence.

“Daphnée fills our two dogs’ food bowls in the morning,” says her mom. “It makes her very proud.”

7. Use images to remind them of their routines.

“This works well from age 3,” notes Noémie Lafortune. “You can create a visual routine reminder with one picture for each step: eat breakfast, brush your teeth, put on your coat.” This will help your child learn to independently look for information. You can also add words to help them become even more autonomous: “Put on your neck warmer, then your toque, then your coat.”

8. Highlight their progress and praise them for their efforts.

This gives them confidence and the desire to persevere. “When they don’t succeed and get discouraged, point out the steps they did well or remind them of their accomplishments,” Nadia Gagnier advises. For example: “Remember when you managed to climb the little climbing wall at the park? You started over lots of times before you did it.” It’s also important to accept mistakes, messes, and the fact that things won’t be perfect. That’s how your child learns.

9. Adapt your home to help your child explore and do things by themself.

For instance, keep a kitchen cabinet accessible so your baby can play with plastic containers, and install hooks at your child’s height so they can hang their clothes. Lassad notes that his son’s independence has greatly improved since he got a small plastic chair that he can carry around himself. “He uses it everywhere—to reach the sink and turn off the light in his room, for instance,” says the father.

10. Encourage them to solve problems independently from the age of 3.

If they’re making a pillow fort and a cushion keeps falling over, ask them what they could do to help it stay up. It encourages them to think for themself and shows them that you have confidence in their abilities.

11. Comfort your child if they start to cry or get mad.

It’s normal for them to feel frustrated when they struggle to do something. For example, you can say, “I understand you’re upset; it’s hard to tie your shoes. You gave it a good try and it gave you a lot of practice.” And be sure to respect their limits. “Ahmed can easily eat on his own, but sometimes he says ‘No, dad, you,’” says Lassad. “When I can see he needs help, I help him.”

Attitudes to avoid

It’s important not to overprotect your child. Even if you have the best intentions, when you do things for your child, when you prevent them from exploring or taking risks, you prevent them from learning. You also send the message that they aren’t capable of doing things on their own and that the world is full of risk. As a result, they’ll be less inclined to take initiative.

Criticizing your child, being impatient, or asking them to do tasks that are too difficult for them will also discourage them and prevent them from building autonomy.

Some children need more support and time to develop their independence. “It’s a question of temperament,” says Nadia Gagnier. “More reserved and fearful children need more encouragement and praise for their efforts.”

Here are some chores and responsibilities that will help your toddler develop their independence.

18 months to 3 years

• Helping to set the table with your assistance. Start by asking your child to set out only their plate, glass, and utensils.
• Taking their toys out of the bathtub.
• Washing and drying their hands (with supervision).
• Helping fold washcloths and sort clean socks into pairs when they come out of the dryer.

3 to 4 years

• Hanging their coat on a hook that’s within their reach.
• Putting their clothes away in a dresser.
• Helping put away the groceries.
• Clearing their place at the dinner table.

4 to 5 years

• Pouring themself a glass of milk.
• Helping empty the dishwasher.
• Taking a bath by themself (with supervision).
• Making their bed, with help.

Source:Naître et grandir magazine, March–April 2026 Research and copywriting: Julie Leduc Scientific review: Chloé Gaumont, psychoeducator

Photos (in order): Nicolas St-Germain, GettyImages/Artistgndphotography, GettyImages/Yaoinlove, GettyImages/Mladen_Kostic, GettyImages/Jacob Wackerhausen, GettyImages/Raul Teran Aquino, GettyImages/Nicolas St-Germain, Nicolas St-Germain, GettyImages/SbytovaMN, GettyImages/mapodile, GettyImages/Elena Vafina