How to pass values onto your child

Sharing, forgiving, being honest: As a parent, it’s normal to want to pass your values onto your child. While this is often easier said than done, you can start teaching your child your values from an early age.

Sharing

Before the age of 4, the notion of sharing isn’t easy for a little one to grasp, since they have an egocentric view of the world: They see life as revolving around their own needs, wants, and desires. They also have a hard time putting themself in another person’s shoes. They don’t understand that another child might be sad or angry if they refuse to share.

Children might continue to struggle with sharing even by the time they reach age 5 or 6. As they get older, and with practice, they will learn to share more spontaneously. They’ll learn that sharing can make others happy. They’ll also start to understand that sharing can lead to their sibling or friend sharing a toy with them in return.

How can you help your child learn to share?

• Teach your child the concept of taking turns. “You can play with this toy for a few minutes, and then it’s your brother’s turn.” This will help them understand that other children may also want to play with the toy they like.
• Help them see the positive reactions of others when they share. For example, you can say, “Look, your sister is smiling. She’s happy because you’re letting her play with your plushie.” Show them that you share things, too. Tell them: “See, I’m lending our shovel to our neighbour to help him out, and he’ll give it back to us later.”
• Encourage them to play with toys that allow for collaboration and cooperation, such as building blocks, puzzles, and cooperative board games. These activities help your child appreciate others’ input while they play.
• Ask your child to decide which toys they’re willing to share and which ones they would rather keep for themselves. You can keep their favourite toys in their room when others come over to play and encourage your little one to share their other toys. That way, you’ll teach them how to share while respecting their boundaries.
• Reinforce the value of sharing instead of forcing your child to share when another child asks to play with their toys. It’s better to say, “You can play with this toy for a little while. But when you’re done, do you want to take it over to your friend who would like to play with it?” This way, instead of making the decision for your child, you’re encouraging them to share.
• Establish simple rules for sharing when your little one is in a group. For example, you could say, “You can only take a toy if no one else is using it. If not, ask the friend who is holding it if they would let you play with it. If they say yes, you can say thank you and offer to let them play with one of your toys in exchange. If they say no, you’ll have to choose another toy.”

Respect

Teaching a child respect means teaching them to treat the people and things around them with care. This entails helping them understand that life isn’t just about them, and that they also need to consider others. Teaching your child respect also means teaching them to be careful with things, such as not slamming their toys on the table and turning the pages of a book gently to avoid tearing them.

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Respect is a value that’s difficult to understand before the age of 4 or 5. Younger children have a hard time putting themselves in another person’s shoes and understanding points of view that are different from their own. As children grow, their social skills will improve and they will develop empathy, which will help them understand the importance of respect. That being said, you can still start encouraging respectful behaviours early on.

How can you help your child adopt respectful behaviours?

• Treat them with respect and ask them to do the same. By using a soft voice and polite words when you talk to your little one (e.g., please and thank you), you’ll teach them to do the same, because your child learns a lot through imitation.
• Teach your child how to behave respectfully from a young age. For example, if your baby pulls your hair, you can say, “Ouch! That hurts. Be gentle when you touch another person’s hair!” Babies can’t always control their strength or movements. In addition to naming the expected behaviour aloud, mime it by taking your little one’s hand and gently stroking your hair with it.
• Refer to your child’s own experience to make the concept of respect more concrete for them. For example, you can say, “Remember when you fell yesterday? You didn’t like it, and it hurt. Well, it’s the same thing when you push your friend. They don’t like it, and it can hurt them, too.” However, there’s no point in asking your 2 or 3 year old if they’d like to be pushed. They’ll undoubtedly say no, because they wouldn’t like it, but they won’t make the connection between your question and the action you’re trying to teach them to avoid, which is pushing their friends.
• Teach them to respect their toys so they can learn to respect other people’s things. For example, explain that when they play with their toys nicely, without throwing them, they don’t break. As a result, they’ll be able to enjoy their toys for longer. Encouraging your child to put their toys away will also teach them to take care of their environment.
• Let your little one have a favourite stuffed animal or blanket that no one else can use. It’s a simple way to help them understand why certain items deserve special treatment, and that they should respect things that belong to others. For example, you can say, “You know how you don’t want anyone else to play with your plushie? It’s the same with your cousin. She doesn’t want you to take her blankie.”
• Help your child respect differences. It’s normal for them to be curious and a little wary of anything different, because it’s new and unfamiliar to them. Your job is to teach them that differences are part of life and to encourage them to ask questions while remaining respectful. If your child notices a difference in another person (e.g., physical appearance, disability, style of dress, etc.), help them understand it. For example, if they ask, “Why is that lady using a cane to walk? Is it because she’s old?”, you can explain that people use canes for many reasons, such as injuries and balance problems, not just because they’re getting older.
• Teach your child to be kind to others. For example, if they make fun of a child who’s having a harder time riding a bike than them, point out the effort it takes to succeed. You might say something like, “Did you notice that the boy tried three times before he was able to go forward a few feet? Look, he’s listening to his mom’s advice and going a little farther on his bike with every try. He’s not giving up. We should encourage him and cheer him on because he’s working so hard.”

Forgiveness

Before a child can say sorry or forgive a friend, they need to understand that it’s okay to make mistakes. Children don’t understand this concept until later in their development, around age 5 or 6. Once your child understands that they’re allowed to make mistakes, you can help them see that others can make mistakes, too.

Even if your little one doesn’t fully understand this concept, you can teach them to apologize when they make a mess or do something wrong. Of course, when you say, “Go tell them you’re sorry,” your child will do it because you asked them to, not because they understand. It’s only later, around the age of 5 or 6, that they will understand that their actions or words may have hurt the other person.

How can you help your child understand forgiveness?

• Explain that it’s okay to make mistakes and that everybody makes them. This will make them feel more secure and better able to apologize and forgive others.
• Help them reflect on their own experience to help them understand how other people feel. For example, you can say, “Remember when your little sister broke your truck? You were very upset, but then she apologized and you felt better. Your friend feels the same way. They’re upset because you knocked over their sand castle. I bet they’ll feel better if you apologize.”
• Teach them that they can make amends for their actions. If they grab a toy out of a friend’s hand, ask them to give it back. Then encourage them to ask their friend nicely if they would be willing to let them play with the toy. Along the same lines, if they knock down a block tower their brother was building, encourage them to help rebuild it.
• Avoid getting angry or scolding them for making a mess or a mistake. Reacting calmly will help your child pick themselves back up. It’s not helpful to show frustration with your child’s actions, because they’re in the process of learning to do better, and your emotional response will only make them more uncomfortable. Your child needs to know that you support them and that you’re there to help them make amends, pick themselves back up, and apologize.

Honesty

Lying is a normal part of a toddler’s development. They may lie for fun, to cover up something they did, to embellish or alter the truth, or to avoid being scolded or hurting the feelings of those around them. They won’t realize that lies can be harmful until around age 5.

You don’t have to pretend to believe every story they tell you, but you shouldn’t make a big deal out of their lies, either. Children start to understand the importance of being honest once they’re around 5 or 6 years old. At this age, they’ll start to find it easier to distinguish between fantasy and reality and better understand the difference between right and wrong.

How can you help your child learn to be honest?

• Encourage your toddler to express their emotions. Teach them to use words that will help them express sadness, happiness, and anger as soon as they’re capable. You can also help them express their emotions using games, stuffed animals, figurines, or even drawing. Teaching them to tell the truth and name their emotions is a way for them to learn about honesty.
• Praise your child when they tell the truth, even if it’s to admit a mistake. For example, if your child confides in you that they broke their sibling’s toy, you can tell them that you’re glad they told you, and then find a way to fix it together.
• Explain why it’s important to tell the truth. For example, you can say, “When people tell the truth, it helps us trust them.” Ask them how they would react if someone lied to them. This helps them understand the consequences of lying.
• Don’t react harshly. If you react too negatively to a lie, you might get the opposite effect of what you want. Knowing that your little one might have lied out of fear of being scolded will make it easier for you to react in a gentle manner. You can then work together to find solutions to help them tell the truth.

Things to keep in mind

• Values are abstract concepts that are difficult for your little one to understand. They need your help to understand them and put them into practice.
• It’s through everyday, real-life situations that your child will gradually learn the importance of sharing, respect, forgiveness, and honesty.
• It’s important to start teaching your child your values early on, even though they won’t be able to adopt them easily until they’re about 5 years old.

Scientific review: Andréane Ringuette, psychoeducator Copywriting:The Naître et grandir team Updated: December 2025

Photos: iStock.com/ktaylorg and GettyImages/Jecapix and ilkercelik