How to teach your child to calm down

Before the age of 6, kids don’t sit still for long. This is perfectly normal. They need to walk, run, jump, and climb—not just as part of their development, but also to feel good, release tension, and express what they feel. Sometimes their need to move comes with an excitement that’s hard to control.

Why do children get excited?

Because their brains are still developing, toddlers get excited easily. They don’t yet have the ability to control their emotions or manage their frustrations.

When a child is excited, they may fidget, have a hard time listening to instructions or sitting still, scream, laugh loudly, run around, or climb all over the place. This behaviour may be their way of letting grown-ups know they are overwhelmed and need help to calm down.

Here are some situations that can lead to over-excitement in a child:

• They need to release pent-up energy. This might be the case if they’ve spent the entire day indoors without being able to run and jump around.
• They’re understimulated and want to keep busy. For example, a child might fidget or climb on their chair in a waiting room because they’re bored.

• They feel a strong emotion that they can’t control. Maybe they’re over the moon over a trip to the pool, feeling jealous because their brother is going to a playdate, or anxious about their first sleepover at Grandma’s house.
• They’re tired. Lack of sleep makes it harder for children to control their emotions. This is why it’s not uncommon for kids to start jumping on their bed instead of going to sleep when it’s past their usual bedtime. They may also be releasing tension they’ve accumulated over the course of the day.
• They’re overstimulated. For example, at a party, they may be overwhelmed by the noise, lights, music, and action, and react by becoming even more excited.
• They have separation anxiety. If your child seems overly excited while getting dressed before daycare or at bedtime, they may actually be anxious at the thought of being separated from their parents.

Expressing joy through excitement

Joy is an emotion that everyone feels in happy times. However, toddlers who still have little control over their emotions may react to joy by bouncing, running, or even screaming. This is a normal reaction.

Faced with their child’s outburst of joy, some parents may feel they’ve lost control and ask them to calm down. If a toddler jumps or screams when they’re happy, they’re simply trying to share and express their happiness.

Rather than curbing their joy, try naming their mood to let them know you understand how they feel. For example, you could say: “Wow, I can see how happy you are about visiting Grandma!” If you’re in a place that isn’t suitable for shouting or jumping around, find a spot where they can freely express their excitement (e.g., take them outside to run).

That said, it’s best to help your child calm down if there’s a chance that they could disturb their siblings or cause a minor accident (e.g., bump into their little sister while running around). Your child needs to understand that their excitement can affect others, too.

Why do some kids get more excited than others?

The area of the brain responsible for regulating emotions and impulses develops during childhood, but every child grows at their own pace. As a child’s brain continues to develop and they learn to manage their emotions, they’ll generally become less likely to get excited.

However, the ability to control emotions and behaviours in different situations varies from child to child. Some learn how to calm down early on, while others remain more sensitive to certain emotions or situations that excite them.

It’s often said that boys tend to get more excited than girls. It’s true that on average, during early childhood, boys tend to move around more than girls on a given day. This may be because the part of a toddler’s brain that controls impulsivity tends to develop more quickly in girls than in boys.

The way in which girls and boys are treated could also explain some of this difference. For example, by encouraging quiet play for girls and more active play for boys, some parents may unknowingly influence their child’s behaviour. In addition, some parents encourage girls to talk about their emotions more than boys. This might cause little girls to learn how to manage their emotions earlier and therefore mitigate their excitement.

Activities to help your child learn to calm down

You can’t expect your toddler to be reasonable and calm down on their own when they’re excited. They need your help to master their own body and learn to control their actions and behaviours.

Here are a few activities to help your child learn to calm down. Start by practising these exercises with your child when they’re not excited. Once they become familiar with these techniques, you can use them to help your child calm down when excited.

• Show your child how to take deep breaths to calm down. Ask them to put their hands on their stomach and picture a balloon that inflates when they breathe in and deflates when they breathe out. Repeat this exercise with them until they seem more calm. If they are sitting or standing, have them blow on an imaginary cup of hot chocolate before they pretend to drink it.
• Invite your child to come snuggle with you. Your calmness and affection will comfort them and focus their attention. You can then whisper little instructions into their ear (e.g., close your eyes, imagine you’re blowing on a cloud, breathe slowly, etc.) until they feel calmer. You can also simply ask them to come and give you a big hug. Sometimes, that’s all they need to settle down.

• Ask your toddler to clench their fists tightly and then release them. Repeat this exercise with them until they feel more calm. This will help reduce the tension that sometimes causes excitement.
• Give your child a small task that requires concentration, such as finding five objects that are their favourite colour in a room. Putting their energy into a specific task will help them calm down.
• Compare your child to a speeding car to help them understand how their body works. When they run, ask them to put their hand on their chest. Point out that their heart is beating fast, their legs are racing, their voice is loud, and they’re breathing heavily: “You’re excited!” Tell them they have to slow down their little engine if they want to avoid accidents. Remind them that they are driving “their own car” and that they can control the speed.
• Pay attention to your child’s feelings and help them understand their emotions. When you help your child describe an emotion, they feel understood, and this in itself has a calming effect. For example, you can say: “I can see that you’re really happy to be going to the pool! That’s why you’re jumping around.”
• Invite your child to measure their excitement by giving concrete examples, such as: “Does the excitement in your body jiggle around like a big dinosaur? Like a dog? Or more like a ladybug?” This will help them better understand their reactions and, little by little, learn to tune in to body sensations and adjust accordingly.
• Prepare your child before you take them to a place where they might get too excited. You can help them stay calm by clearly explaining what you expect from them. Instead of telling them what not to do, tell them what they should do instead. For example: “At the library, you need to walk and whisper,” rather than, “At the library, don’t run or yell.”
• Play a game that involves controlled movement, such as “Simon Says.” Start by asking them to do things that make them move around a lot, like jumping, to help them expend their energy. Finish with quieter activities that require concentration, such as: “Simon says stand on one foot” or “Simon says pretend you’re a flower growing slowly.”
• Invite them to do a quiet activity, such as drawing or doing a puzzle. Have them play with modelling clay. Having fun making things and taking them apart can be a calming activity for an overexcited child.
• Highlight what they did to successfully calm down on their own. Point out that they’re developing a new skill.

For a list of game ideas to help your child relax, see our Relaxation Through Play fact sheet.

Things to keep in mind

• Children tend to get excited as a way to release pent-up emotions or tension.
• As a child’s brain continues to develop and they learn to manage their emotions, they tend to get excited less often.
• You can teach your child to calm down with different activities.

Scientific review: Chloé Gaumont, M.Sc., psychoeducator Research and copywriting:The Naître et grandir team Updated: October 2025

 Photos: GettyImages/StockPlanets, iStock.com/nicolesy and GettyImages/kali9