Sleep: My child refuses to sleep in their own bed

Some children refuse to fall asleep in their own room at bedtime. Others tend to crawl into their parents’ bed in the middle of the night. With a little patience, it is possible to change these habits if they are no longer working for you.

Why won’t my child sleep in their own bed?

Your child may equate bedtime with being separated from you, which can make them feel a little anxious and not want to sleep alone in their own bed. Anxiety can be further heightened in little ones who experience bedtime fears or nightmares.

If this is the case for your child, it’s important that you acknowledge their emotions and talk about the situation during the daytime, not right before bed. Doing so will help them get a handle on their anxiety and realize that they are capable of sleeping on their own.

Teaching your child to fall asleep independently in their own bed, little by little, stabilizes sleep patterns. The sooner they learn autonomous sleep, the less likely they are to have interrupted sleep.

The patterns that hinder sleep will not get the chance to develop. Plus, if your little one is able to fall asleep alone at night, they will also be able to self-soothe during nighttime wakeups.

A child who has been sleeping in their parents’ bed for a long time will likely find the transition to sleeping in their own bed difficult. They will need a lot of love, support, and patience to succeed.

Take the time to explain why you want to make this change in routine. This way, your child will understand that it doesn’t mean you love them any less; you just want to help them learn to sleep alone and sleep better.

What if my child refuses to sleep in their own bed?

If your child is refusing to sleep in their bed and you believe the time has come for change, here are some tips to help you break the habit.

• Make sure you have the energy to take on this challenge. Modifying your child’s sleep habits will take time and determination. You’ll need to be patient and consistent in order to see change and maintain progress.

• Make sure your child feels safe and comfortable in their room to help encourage them to sleep in their own bed. A comfortable temperature and tidy space, free of distractions like toys and games, will help create an environment that’s conducive to sleep.
• Dedicate some time every day to be fully focused on your child to fill their “emotional cup.” They’ll find it easier to sleep on their own if their need to connect with you has been met before bedtime.
• Establish a reassuring bedtime routine that ends in your child’s bed.
• Hear your child out and be empathetic when they say they don’t want to sleep in their bed. Then explain that you know they can do it and that you’ll be nearby, in the living room or kitchen, for example.
• Leave a nightlight or flashlight in their room, so they can turn it on when they need to. This gives your child some control over the situation, which is reassuring.

• Explain that you’re going to take things one step at a time. Start by staying in their room until they fall asleep. Once they are used to this routine, move on to the next step. Instead of staying next to them until they fall asleep, stay with them for 5 minutes or so, then leave the room even if they’re still awake.
• If your child is still struggling, talk to them about it during the day. Help them name what’s making them uncomfortable so you can better understand the issues and come up with potential solutions. Boost their confidence by reminding them of the times they successfully slept alone.
• Praise them for their effort and for the time they do manage to spend in their own bed. Your positive reinforcement will give them confidence and motivate them to keep trying.
• If your child comes looking for you at night, calmly bring them back to their room and tuck them into bed. Take a few minutes to reassure them with a cuddle, a kiss, or a little back rub, then leave the room to let them fall asleep. This approach helps them develop their sleep autonomy while providing a sense of security.
• Be consistent. If you stick to this routine for a few weeks, there’s a good chance your child will get used to sleeping alone. However, certain factors like your child’s temperament and how much anxiety they’re experiencing can slow down the process. Your willingness and determination to go through with this change and to remain consistent are also important factors. Progress will look different from one family to the next.

Keep in mind that this routine may not work at certain times, such as during an illness or a time of significant change (e.g., birth of a little brother or sister, new daycare provider, separation, death in the family). Don’t lose hope. Once your child is feeling better or has adapted to the change, you can pick up where you left off. However, don’t delay too long.

Remember that bumps in the road are to be expected. You may decide to sleep with your child one night because you’re just too tired or need a break. If that happens, it’s best to sleep in your child’s bed and remind yourself that this isn’t a sign of failure. Progress isn’t always linear. The important thing is to aim for overall consistency while respecting your limits.

You’ll find more advice on children’s sleep in our articles:

• Co-sleeping (French only)
• Sleep: Helping your child fall asleep
• Sleep: Nighttime wakeups (French only)
• Nightmares (French only)
• Sleep disorders (French only)
• Understanding your child’s sleep

Things to keep in mind

• Bedtime can sometimes be a source of anxiety for children.
• It takes patience and consistency for your little one to get used to falling asleep alone in their own bed.
• To help your child become an independent sleeper, you’ll need to guide them through the process step by step.

Scientific review: Évelyne Touchette, Ph.D., professor/researcher at UQTR and sleep expert Research and copywriting:The Naître et grandir team Updated: May 2026

Photo: GettyImages/LeManna