Children who bite

It’s very common for young children to bite, especially before the age of 3. They may bite other children, but also their parents. In some children, however, this behaviour can persist as they get older.

Why do children bite?

Babies use their mouths to learn and explore. They suckle, taste their first foods, suck on their fingers, and chew on any object they come across. Their mouths help them discover what they like and dislike. As they get older, children sometimes use their teeth to assert themselves.

Biting is a type of impulsive behaviour for children. It can mean different things in a baby, a 2-year-old, or an older child. For example:

• Until around age 2, little ones don’t bite with the intention to do harm. They bite on impulse as a way to explore, communicate, or deal with difficult emotions. At this age, your child’s brain hasn’t yet developed to the point where they understand the consequences of their actions.
• Around age 2 or 3, toddlers may start biting intentionally, for example to express frustration. They may also bite because they’re not yet able to control their impulses or manage their emotions.
• By age 4, biting becomes less common, as children gradually learn to talk about their needs and emotions. They also gain a better understanding of expected social behaviour. At this age, they sometimes use hitting or shoving to express their emotions, rather than biting.

Situations that may lead to biting

Between the ages of 1 and 3, toddlers may react to certain situations by biting because they lack the language skills to express themselves, frequently react impulsively, and are unable to regulate their emotions.

Here are a few examples of situations that can cause young children to bite:

• They’re very angry and unable to handle the intensity of this emotion.
• They’re defending themself, for example to take back a toy that was taken by another child.
• They’re acting impulsively, for example if they want a toy that another child is playing with.
• They’re teething, and biting is a way to relieve the pain.
• They’re biting for fun and aren’t aware of their strength.
• They’re overexcited and want to express affection or joy, and biting is a way to release tension.
• They need care or attention and are trying to communicate this need.
• They’re in an environment where they don’t feel comfortable, (e.g., a small room with many other children or a place where the routine doesn’t fit their needs), which is making them anxious.
• They’ve witnessed or been the victim of aggressive behaviour.

Past the age of 3, it’s less common for children to bite frequently. Children who are still biting at this age may be trying to express a need, such as a desire to be taken care of. They can also bite because they’re having difficulty explaining themselves or managing their frustration. They might continue biting if they’ve learned that it’s an effective way to get what they want.

Children who keep biting past the age of 3 may need support to learn how to better manage and express their frustration.

What should you do if your child bites someone?

The best way to get your child to stop biting is to step in right away. Whether your young child has bitten you or someone else, here’s what to do:

• Stay calm and don’t overreact. If your young child is trying to get your attention, a strong reaction may encourage them to bite again in the future.
• Make sure no one laughs or takes your child’s behaviour lightly.
• First, take care of the child who was bitten and comfort them. If you take care of the person who has been bitten first, your child will see that biting is not an effective way to get your attention. This means they will be less likely to do it again in the future.
• Assess the damage. If the skin was broken, wash the wound with warm water and soap. Apply ice or a cool cloth to prevent swelling.
• Explain to your young child what has happened and what you expect of them. Use simple words and short sentences. For instance, you can say: “It made you angry that your sister took the car from you. But biting hurts. When you don’t agree with something, you can say ‘No, that’s mine’ or ask for help.”
• If your child is still worked up, give them a comforting object, such as their blankie. Then wait for them to calm down. Once they’re calm, you can help them put what they want or feel into words.
• Help your child respond better to strong emotions. Even if your child understands that they shouldn’t bite, they may be unable to control themself or find other ways to feel better. To help them, you could say something like, “Let’s go tell your friend what you didn’t like,” or “Tell them, ‘That’s mine’ or ‘I don’t want to’.”
• Encourage your child to make up for their actions. Ask them to get a clean cloth to apply to the other child’s wound, or a stuffed toy to comfort them, for example. Once the crisis has passed, show them the bite marks and the tears of the child who was hurt. This will encourage empathy and help them better understand the consequences of their actions.
• Remove your child from the situation immediately if they bite again. Tell them: “You can’t play with the others if you bite them. It hurts.”

When a child bites their parent

As a parent, you may feel offended if your child bites you. If they do, try to stay calm and refrain from yelling. Remember that your little one doesn’t fully realize what they’ve done.

They need you to help them learn that their actions have consequences. They also need you to help them learn that there are more acceptable ways to express themself.

Here’s what you can do if your young child bites you because they’re angry:

• Explain to your child why they musn’t bite. For example, you can say: “That hurts. It’s okay to be angry, but that doesn’t mean you can hurt me.”
• Help your child identify their emotions or the reason for their frustration. Next, encourage them to express themself. For example, you can tell them, “Say, ‘I’m angry!’”
• If your child bites you again a few minutes later, step away from the situation. Explain that you were hurt and that you’re taking a break from playing.

Things to avoid doing when your child bites

• Don’t ask your young child to hug the child they bit to make up for biting them. The child on the receiving end of the bite will likely have no desire for a hug.
• Don’t force your child to say they’re sorry. Young children don’t understand what “sorry” means until they’re at least 3 years old. They would only be apologizing to please you. Instead, ask them to empathize with the injured person and help them attempt to make up for the harm they caused, such as by fetching a stuffed toy for the child who was hurt. This will teach them that their actions have consequences for others.
• Don’t say things like “You’re mean” or “Don’t be a baby” to your child. Words like this may damage their self-esteem.
• Never bite your child to show them that biting hurts. It’s not an effective way of getting them to stop biting. Even worse, since you’re their role model, they may get the impression that biting is acceptable behaviour. They might even come to view biting as a way to solve problems.

How do you prevent your child from biting again?

To help your child learn not to bite, be patient and firm. All children learn not to bite eventually. But some take longer than others to get there. By listening to your child, you can help prevent biting in the future.

A few tips to prevent your child from biting again:

• Try to understand what prompted them to bite someone. What caused them to bite? Where and when did it happen? Who was involved? What was the situation? You can also ask their caregivers questions. Their answers may help you address the root of the problem.
• If possible, try to meet the need of the child who is biting. For example, if they tend to bite when they feel overwhelmed, consider providing them with a quiet, secluded space. That way they can play on their own for a while, then come back and join the others when they feel like it.
• Be on your guard in the days following the biting incident. If you sense that your child may be about to bite again, intervene quickly. Try redirecting their attention or asking them to stay close to you.
• Praise your child when they behave well. This reinforces positive behaviour. For instance, you can say: “I heard you say ‘No, I don’t want to’ with your words. That was the right thing to do.”
• Help your child identify and put their emotions into words. For example, post pictures of people expressing three emotions: anger, sadness, and joy. Point to each emotion and explain what it represents. If your child is angry, show them the picture of the angry face and say: “You’re angry.”

When should you consult a professional?

Contact your CLSC for support if, after a few months, none of your strategies are working, your child’s biting is accompanied by other aggressive behaviours, or your child is causing themself harm.

Things to keep in mind

• Young children, and even older ones, don’t bite with the intention of doing harm.
• It’s best to comfort the victim before dealing with the child who did the biting.
• It’s important to understand why a child bites in order to find the right solutions.

Scientific review: Chloé Gaumont, M.Sc., psychoeducator Research and copywriting:The Naître et grandir team Updated: December 2024

Photos: BSIP/LEMOINE and iStock.com/Marina_Di