Marie Christine Proulx has to shoulder her family’s expenses while working and caring for her young daughters, 1-year-old Flora and 7-year-old Cattleya.

By Amélie Cournoyer

“Financially, it’s tough. We’re living on the verge of poverty,” says the 33-year-old mom, who temporarily received welfare and food aid after the birth of her eldest daughter. At the time, she was working evenings in an administration position and decided to look for a more family-friendly job.

But she struggled to find anything better. She even lost a new job when she had to leave midway through training to pick up her sick daughter from daycare. “My boss said he hoped this wasn’t going to be a trend. I told him I had no choice because I was a single parent.”

Marie Christine eventually went back to school to become an early childhood educator, and she’s very happy with her choice. “It’s an environment that’s much more supportive of family-work balance,” she says.

Never enough time

Between taking care of the baby, helping her eldest daughter with her homework, doing housework, prepping meals, and running errands, Marie Christine barely has time to catch her breath. “I’m just exhausted,” she sighs. Her maternity leave is also coming to an end. “It’s very stressful. I wonder how I’m going to manage when I’m working on top of everything else!”

Over the years, Marie Christine has developed strategies to lighten her daily load. For example, she occasionally uses a catering service for meals. Her daughter Cattleya also pitches in by doing chores, like tidying her room and taking out the garbage.

Accepting help

Marie Christine rarely goes out alone or with friends. “I don’t take care of myself the way I used to,” she admits. “I used to love getting my nails done, but I don’t have time for that anymore.”

Last year, she moved to be closer to her family. Her parents will sometimes take care of Cattleya. Flora’s father also takes her one day a week. Recently, the extra help allowed Marie Christine to spend time with a friend, which did her a world of good. “Now, when I’m offered help, I take it!” she says.

Keven Fortin is raising his 2-year-old daughter on his own. Fathers who have sole custody are rare. But for Keven, the most challenging part of being a single dad is parenting without a teammate.

By Nathalie Vallerand

“When there are two of you, you’re a team,” he says. “You can support each other. That’s what I miss the most. For example, right now I’m trying to get Odéliane to give up her pacifier, but there’s no one to help me stand my ground when she’s crying for it.”

Sharing with fellow parents

It’s also difficult to enforce rules, handle illnesses and injuries, and solve everyday problems on your own. “One morning, my daughter woke up sick,” he says. “I was so worried. I didn’t know what to do!”

Keven will often talk with other parents to find solutions. “One of my colleagues has a daughter the same age as mine,” he says. We talk about our kids’ schools. We swap parenting tips.”

Putting himself second

Being a single parent means always putting his daughter’s needs before his own. “If I’m tired or had a bad day at work, I can’t just lie down and rest. I have to take care of Odéliane. She’s my priority.”

In these moments, Keven will encourage his daughter to do quiet solo activities, like colouring. When he really needs some time to himself, he can count on his parents to babysit. “Stepping away for a while is important. Otherwise, the accumulated fatigue takes a toll on my morale.”

Keven finds that people generally view his situation as a single dad in a positive light. “But when I filed for custody, I heard comments that my daughter needed a mother in her life. In court, I had trouble getting custody because I’m a man, even though my daughter’s mother is incapable of taking care of her. It shows that some mentalities still need to be changed.”

For Keven, the most important thing is spending time with his daughter and seeing her thrive. “I’ve learned how to tie her hair in a ponytail,” he says. “Now I just need to master braiding!”

Luz Maria Silva fled Mexico in November 2019 because she feared for her safety. But a few months after arriving in Quebec, she discovered that she was pregnant with twins.

By Nathalie Vallerand

When she emigrated, Luz Maria had to leave her two sons, aged 13 and 21, with their father, from whom she had separated. Her arrival in Montreal was a shock. “I didn’t know anything about Quebec. I didn’t understand French and it was so cold.”

Her cellphone became a lifeline. “Immigrant groups on Facebook gave me advice, and I downloaded a translation app. These helped me keep my head above water.”

A surprise pregnancy

Luz Maria’s biggest shock, however, was learning that she was pregnant. “I had no idea,” she says. At the time, she was renting a room. “But I told myself, if God sent me two babies, it’s because I’m able to take care of them.”

Her pregnancy was far from easy. Luz Maria had gestational diabetes, which meant frequent trips to the hospital. The people she was living with were afraid of catching COVID-19 from her. “I had to look for a new room several times. It was discouraging.”

The thought of giving birth alone was also stressful for the 42-year-old mother. Fortunately, she was well taken care of by the nurses when the big day arrived. “They gave me comfort,” she says.

Finding support

After the birth of her little girls, Zia Arely and Azul Lucero, now age 2, the single mother became depressed. “I was morally and physically exhausted. I didn’t know who would take care of my daughters if I became seriously ill or died. The thought made me panic.”

Fortunately, Luz Maria was able to receive a few hours of childcare assistance every week from her CLSC. It gave her a welcome break. Being the single mother of two infants is no easy feat! The CLSC also referred Luz Maria to CARI St-Laurent, an organization that facilitates the integration of immigrants in Quebec.

“I’m enrolled in the French program and my daughters go to the drop-in daycare centre,” she says proudly. “I also take part in many of the social activities.” She hopes that her twins will receive a good education and have a good life here.

For single mom Sandy Roy, structure and routine are key to raising her two boys, 4-year-old Vincent and 6-year-old Victor.

By Amélie Cournoyer

At 28, Sandy began the process of trying to get pregnant by artificial insemination with an anonymous donor. “I’ve always said that fertility has an expiration date, but you can fall in love at any time in your life,” says Sandy, who lives on Quebec City’s south shore. She gave birth to Victor in May 2016, and then to Vincent in April 2018.

When she decided to start a family alone, Sandy understood what she was getting into. People often tell her that it’s brave of her to be a single parent, but she disagrees. “I knew that I’d be doing everything on my own. I don’t expect anything from others, and I think it brings me peace of mind.”

Overcoming the challenges of solo parenting

Despite being ultra-prepared, Sandy has faced plenty of hurdles. Last year, she had to give up her nursing job to find a position that offered better life-work balance. “I had an atypical schedule and regularly worked overtime,” she recalls. “I was working too much and often had to find a babysitter for the boys. I was at the end of my rope.”

Today, Sandy has a job with a more stable schedule, but organizing her day-to-day is still a challenge. “I can’t work from home or take as much time off as I’d like.” When one of her boys gets sick, for example, she has to rely on her support network.

Getting help and staying organized

Sandy lives on the same street as her parents and next door to her twin sister. That means her family can give her a hand and babysit Victor and Vincent when she needs help. “I’m lucky to have such a strong support network,” she says.

“I also have a stable routine, and I enforce consistent house rules.” In her opinion, having structure helps minimize her kids’ bad behaviour. “They rarely have tantrums.”

Sandy has also taken steps to make her life easier. She orders her groceries online and sometimes buys ready-to-eat meals. What’s more, she’s chosen to live in an apartment because it’s less maintenance than a house. “I also invested in a robot vacuum and robot mop. I use them every day. It forces the kids to pick up their toys,” she says with a smile.

Many situations lead to single parenthood. A parent may be left to raise their children alone after a divorce, separation, or death. Some people also choose to solo parent. Others find themselves taking on all the responsibility because the other parent is unwilling or unable to help.

• In Quebec, one in four families with children under 18 are headed by a single parent.* This trend has been steadily growing over the last few decades. For instance, in 1991, one in five households were single-parent families, compared to one in ten in 1971.
• The majority of single-parent families are headed by a woman (76 percent) and nearly one in five (19 percent) are headed by an immigrant parent.
• Many live in poverty. In fact, 28 percent of single-parent families have no income or earn less than $30,000 a year. This is the case for only 3 percent of two-parent families.
• Single mothers are far more likely to live in poverty: 29 percent earn less than $30,000 per year compared to 24 percent of single fathers.
• The poorest single-parent families are those with children aged 4 and under: 41 percent earn less than $30,000 per year.

While single parents continue to face hurdles and prejudice, they are more accepted today. According to a 2013 survey, 63 percent of Quebecers believe that children in single-parent households are just as likely to thrive and be happy as those living with two parents.

Sources: Conseil du statut de la femme and the Ministère de la Famille du Québec

*Statistics Canada considers a single parent to be one living without a partner and who has their child with them on Census Day, even if the child is in shared custody and spends an equal amount of time with each parent.

Source: Naître et grandir magazine, November 2022 Research and copywriting: Amélie Cournoyer and Nathalie Vallerand

Photos (in order): Nicolas St-Germain, Guillaume Roy, Maxim Morin et GettyImages/mapodile