Around one in three Canadians will suffer from a mental illness in their lifetime. That number has been rising steadily over the last few years. Depression and anxiety disorders (generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, phobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress syndrome) are the most common mental health disorders. Some people suffer from a serious mental illness, such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder. Another category of mental illness, eating disorders, mainly affects girls and women under the age of 25.

I have a healthy baby and a partner I love, but I’m unhappy and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. What’s happening to me?

An estimated 15 to 20 percent of new mothers experience postpartum (also called postnatal) depression. Studies have demonstrated that postpartum depression rates are generally at their highest three months following delivery and gradually decrease thereafter. Symptoms may include deep sadness, irritability, disinterest or loss of pleasure in regular activities, sleep difficulties, fatigue, a feeling of emptiness, or suicidal thoughts.

“Postpartum depression requires immediate medical attention,” says Marie-Josée Poulin, psychiatrist and medical director of the perinatal psychiatry clinic at the Institut universitaire en santé mentale de Québec, which is part of the CIUSSS de la Capitale-Nationale. “New mothers won’t always ask for help because they’re ashamed to admit they’re unhappy.” If a new mom’s partner or other family member sees that she is suffering, it’s important to offer support and get her to seek help right away.

Postpartum depression is quite different from the baby blues, which is a mild, temporary depressed state that affects up to 80 percent of women. They typically appear on the third day after giving birth. “When a new mom gets the baby blues, she may become irritable and weepy without really knowing why,” psychologist Nancy Verreault explains. “But she is able to take care of her baby and isn’t troubled by dark thoughts.”

Postpartum psychosis is a rare, but even more serious, condition. It occurs in the days following childbirth. Symptoms may include confusion, hallucinations, delusions, and sometimes aggression. The mother requires urgent medical attention as her life, and the life of her child, may be in danger.

My partner is suffering from depression. How can I help? Will her mental health affect our child?

The most important step is to recognize that your partner is suffering. “If you play down or dismiss her feelings, she’ll feel even more guilty and incompetent,” Poulin warns. “And her depression may worsen.” Offer her a listening, sympathetic ear, then encourage her to seek professional help. Ask her what she thinks you can do to help.

“A mother who is suffering from depression is less emotionally available for her child,” says Dr. Andrée-Anne Marcoux, a child psychiatrist at the Albert-Prévost pavilion, part of the CIUSSS du Nord-de-l’Île-de-Montréal. “For example, she may have difficulty comforting her child, showing affection, helping them manage their own emotions, or providing the stimulation they need for their brain to develop properly. It may also affect her bond with her child.” If your partner is depressed, it’s especially important to give your child plenty of love and attention until mom feels better.

I’m a new dad and I’m finding fatherhood harder than I thought it would be. Should I get help?

It’s always a good idea to consult a professional if you feel you need help. Poor mental health can put a strain on your relationship with your partner and hinder your baby’s development. Studies show that fathers with depression have fewer positive interactions with their children, and this can lead to emotional and behavioural problems down the road. It can also affect dad’s bond with his child.

An estimated 9 percent of dads will experience postpartum depression in the 12 months following the birth of their child, and about 10 percent will experience depression during their partner’s pregnancy. “Men tend to express their distress through anger, impatience, and irritation rather than sadness and crying, like women do,” says Verreault. “This difference explains why men and their loved ones don’t always recognize that it’s due to depression.”

My partner has a mental illness. Is our child also at risk of developing one?

Your child has a greater risk of developing a mental health problem, but that doesn’t mean it’s written in stone. Genetic factors do have a part in most mental illnesses. Children do not inherit a mental illness like they would a genetic trait, but they are more likely to develop one. “If the parent’s illness goes untreated or unchecked, this adds a risk factor,” says child psychiatrist Andrée-Anne Marcoux. “Their symptoms may prevent them from providing their children with a safe environment and enough attention.” This puts a great deal of stress on the child and makes them more susceptible to mental illness.

I’m always worrying about my child. Do I have anxiety?

It’s normal to worry about your child from time to time. According to Poulin, anxiety becomes a problem when it spins out of control, takes over, and prevents you from fully functioning. This is called generalized anxiety.

Other symptoms often accompany generalized anxiety. These can include fatigue, irritability, trouble sleeping and concentrating, restlessness, heart palpitations, trembling, and nausea. Don’t hesitate to seek help if you think you have generalized anxiety.

I’m the mother of two young children and I’m at my wits’ end. Am I at risk of burnout?

“Juggling work and family life is tiring enough on its own,” says Verreault. “Unfortunately, some women wear themselves out twice over trying to be perfect mothers. They idealize their role as a parent. But being a parent isn’t always easy, and they end up feeling disappointed.” Some parents experience intense physical and mental fatigue on top of stress. This is parental burnout. It affects at least 5 percent of parents. How can you prevent it from happening? The key is to take some time to relax and try to adjust your expectations. Learn to recognize when you’ve reached your limit. Divvy parenting tasks and responsibilities between you and your partner as much as possible. If you’re a single parent, don’t hesitate to ask those around you for help.

My sister has borderline personality disorder and I worry about her. How can I help?

If someone you know has borderline personality disorder (BPD), or another mental health problem, you can encourage them to seek help or keep up with their treatment, give them a break by offering to look after their child, or help with errands and household chores. “But don’t just jump in and take over, as this can prevent the person from getting help and taking charge of their own life,” says Julie Desrosiers, a social worker at Cercle Polaire, an organization that offers support to the loved ones of people with mental illnesses. It’s also important to set boundaries and practise self-care. Remember that if you’re exhausted, you won’t be of much help to the other person.

Should I tell my child that I have a mental health problem?

Your illness is part of your child’s life. They need to know what’s going on. When they reach age 3 or 4, for example, you can explain that you have an illness that sometimes makes you feel like dark clouds are forming in your head and heart. A specialized mental health agency can help you find age-appropriate words you can use. It’s very important to stress that it’s not their fault that you’re sick. Give them space to express their emotions and thoughts and ask questions about your disease. You can also give your child time to be with other important adults in their life, such as a grandmother or uncle.

Do I risk losing custody of my child because I have a mental disorder?

“Having a mental illness is not a sufficient reason to take away custody of your child,” says Isabelle Laviolette, a psychologist with the Programme jeunesse at the CIUSSS du Centre-Sud-de-l’Île-de-Montréal. “The Director of Youth Protection only intervenes when the child’s safety or development is compromised.” If that does happen, it’s in your best interest to work with the case worker and accept the help offered to you.

But before letting things get to this point, you can take care of your mental health by sticking to your treatment plan and watching out for signs of a relapse. It’s also a good idea to draw up a plan listing the people who might be able to help you or look after your child in case of emergency.

How do you explain to a child that their mommy or daddy is in the hospital because of their mental health?

Use simple words, like you would to describe any illness. For example, you can say: “Daddy’s (or Mommy’s) head is sick and they’re in the hospital so the doctors can make them better.” The important thing is to reassure the child. They need to know that their parent is being cared for and thinks about them often. Children may worry about how a hospital stay will disrupt their everyday routine. Let them know what you’re doing to ensure their routine changes as little as possible. It’s also important that they get enough time to play and have fun. One of their parents might be ill, but they’re still only a child.

Can I be a good parent despite my mental health problem?

Absolutely, as long as you do what it takes to heal or keep your condition stable. “One of the key steps is accepting your diagnosis and recognizing that certain aspects of the disease may interfere with your parenting abilities,” says psychologist Isabelle Laviolette. “If you’re willing to put in the work, you can get help overcoming your challenges and improving your parenting skills.”

I’ve just learned that my child has a developmental delay. How do I accept my child’s diagnosis?

It’s normal to be overwhelmed by feelings of denial, anger, sadness, or guilt after learning your child has a developmental delay. “Parents need time to let go of their dream of a perfect child,” Verreault says. “It can be a long, difficult process.” But try not to shut everyone out. It can do a world of good to open up to people who can offer you comfort and support. And although it may seem difficult at first, you should also try to continue doing activities you enjoy. This will help keep you from sinking into depression. You’ll also be in a better position to support your child and what they are going through. Eventually, you’ll move beyond your initial shock and accept your child’s diagnosis.
 

Can children develop mental health problems?

Mental health disorders often begin during adolescence. About a third of cases will emerge before the age of 14, and two thirds by age 25. The most common types of mental health disorders that affect children and teens are anxiety disorders (roughly 8 percent), behavioural disorders (around 8 percent) including ADHD (around 3 percent), and depression (around 4 percent).

One in six children aged 5 and under struggles with their mental health. The most common types of mental health disorders affecting this age group are developmental disorders, anxiety disorders, attachment disorders, and depression.

What are the warning signs? Child psychiatrist Andrée-Anne Marcoux says that, generally speaking, an onset of intense behaviour that persists over time is a good indication that something is off. “If you feel overwhelmed by your child’s emotions or behaviour, it’s time to seek help.” For example, consult a specialist if your child always seems sad, anxious, or angry, if they often self-isolate, don’t engage in play, have trouble sleeping, self-harm, are intensely afraid of being separated from you, or if they are unable to function in a daycare setting because they are too aggressive, agitated, or withdrawn.

Can parental separation affect children’s mental health?

Studies have shown that symptoms of anxiety and depression in children can worsen as a result of a marital breakdown. The increase, though slight, is evidence that separation is indeed a source of stress and sadness. According to psychologist Nancy Verreault, “The more intense the conflict, the more it affects the child, who feels caught in the middle.” To help your child adjust, it’s important to keep your focus on them. Be respectful toward the other parent and try to work together. You may be angry with your ex, but remember that they are still your child’s parent and a vital part of their life.

How should I talk to a child about a parent’s suicide?

Don’t try to hide that the person has died by suicide. For example, it’s best to explain that their daddy had a disease in his brain that made him very unhappy and unable to make good decisions. Younger children sometimes believe that if they’d only behaved better, or put their toys away, then mommy or daddy wouldn’t have died. It’s important to make them understand that they’re not to blame. They may also barely react to news of the death. This is a typical reaction. It may simply be too big to digest. In the weeks that follow, it’s important to lend them your ear and help them express what they feel in words or drawings.

To learn more, read our fact sheet on children and bereavement (link in French).

How can I promote good mental health in my child?

“Your own mental health affects your child’s mental health, so take care of that first,” explains child psychiatrist Andrée-Anne Marcoux. “The next thing is to be mindful of your child’s age-related needs.” For example, in the first few months of life, your baby bonds with you and builds a relationship of trust. It’s important to respond quickly to their needs for comfort, nourishment, regular diaper changes, etc. It’s also crucial to show your baby affection, respond to their smiles, and take the time to chat and play with them so their little brain can develop properly.

And as they grow, teach them to recognize their emotions, talk about their feelings, connect with others, and ask for help when they need it. Help them develop good self-esteem by praising their efforts, celebrating their successes, and being actively interested in what they do. It’s a good idea to set boundaries so they can feel safe. Of course, there’s no magic formula for preventing mental illness. It’s a complex issue that can emerge no matter how you raise your child.
 

Does pregnancy increase the risk of depression?

For mothers with anorexia or bulimia, are there particular risks for her or her child?

Eating disorders increase the risk of gestational hypertension, miscarriage, and preterm birth. Babies of anorexic or bulimic mothers are also at greater risk of fetal growth restriction and low birth weight. Later, this may increase the likelihood of the child experiencing developmental delays or behavioural and mental health problems.

“Genetic and environmental factors increase the likelihood that the child of an anorexic or bulimic mother will develop an eating disorder, depression, or anxiety,” says psychologist Howard Steiger, former head of the Eating Disorders Program at the Douglas Mental Health University Institute.

Can I take antidepressants during pregnancy and while breastfeeding?

“The symptoms and severity of anxiety and depression vary from person to person,” says Poulin. “So, each case is unique.” For some women, psychotherapy and exercise are enough to improve their condition, but others will need antidepressants to feel better. For both mother and child, the risks of untreated depression often outweigh the risks of treatment.

Overall, antidepressants don’t pose a risk to the fetus. However, since certain antidepressants are linked to a greater risk for the baby’s development or birth, your doctor may decide to switch you to a different medication during your pregnancy. While breastfeeding, babies are exposed to low levels of antidepressants. It’s generally safe for your little one, but your doctor may prescribe an antidepressant that leaves your system more quickly.

I have bipolar disorder. Why do I need to consult my doctor before getting pregnant?

You should see your doctor because it’s important to review your medication. Some medications used to treat bipolar disorder (formerly called manic depression) carry a risk of birth defects. Psychotherapy is also recommended throughout your pregnancy and for a few weeks after delivery. “Pregnancy increases the risk of relapse,” warns Poulin. “What’s more, women with bipolar disorder are far more likely to experience postpartum depression, and even postpartum psychosis, which is a very serious condition.”

Photos: iStock.com/ RyanJLane, Yulkapopkova, PeopleImages, and Johannes Norpoth

Source: Source: Naître et grandir magazine, May–June 2016 Research and copywriting: Natalie Vallerand Scientific review: Dr. Leila Ben Amor, child and adolescent psychiatrist at CHU Sainte-Justine and full professor, Department of Psychiatry, Université de Montréal. Updated: March 2024